Brazen Ladies hi!
I feel we have gotten to the point where we talk about the friends we keep in our lives. Let’s start.
You know those friends that at the very beginning it seems they can’t get enough of you; always sitting beside you in class, following you wherever you go, posting your pictures and captioning it, “Friendship goals”, “Squad goals”, and all that mushy stuff, especially the ones that say that in their indigenous language…lies! All of it!
Why do I say that? Because of the motive behind it. They got close to you for your looks, for your money, for your status, for your personality, for what they could get from you and the moment they no longer need you or the magic of you has worn off, they scamper on to other things.
I know this because I once fell victim. Picture this, my savvy self going about my daily activities― at that point in my life, I had school and church, I wasn’t really social. I preferred my company and the company of a select few. Then comes two girls that do everything together and somehow they both decided that being friends with me was icy, cool.
I gave when it was needed, I motivated when I could, I was flattered that these girls liked me and wanted to be around me. I never asked myself why they were eager to know me. We became close so fast and our friendship was really going well..not until the time I needed their help, they were game at first. They didn’t know the extent of my setback so they weren’t sure if I was going to bounce back sooner than later.
The “she has helped us, let us help her” mentality didn’t last for long. They started getting irritated, things they thought were cool about me were now a show of arrogance. To them, I was no longer confident about my life choices, I was suddenly adamant about them, headstrong, never willing to change. They flipped every good thing they ever saw in me into something negative. Then one night, everything came pouring out.
I was shocked, embarrassed and I kept asking myself what I did wrong. It was later I realised things happened that way so I could know the kind of people I’d let into my life. The magic had worn off, my money, gone, they didn’t have any use for me and sure as hell didn’t need my motivation. Lol.
Those are the people I call unfriendly friends. I got back on my feet, they kept their distance and I appreciated it. I’d seen their true colours so there was no room for fake friendship.
Who knew a time would come when I would write about unfriendly friends and rescue y’all from such associations? You’re welcome!
Anyone that only rides with you in your good times and disappears in your bad times is not for you, give that person a long rope, far from yourself.
Anyone that makes you feel like you’re in some sort of competition with them, not for the good of you both but to one-up you, to make you look bad in front of others, done with a smile on their face as if to say it’s all harmless joke, it’s not! That person deserves a long rope, free yourself from such bondage…free yourself!
Anyone that leaves you feeling insecure, they leave you with a confused feeling/sense of doubt every time you’re around them, before you cut them off, communicate your thoughts and watch for their reactions. The rest is up to you, but don’t tolerate self doubt, end that shit immediately, then you’ll be able to see yourself and your associations clearly.
If my setback had lasted for a week or two, we might have remained friends, but it lasted long enough to remove me from an unhealthy friendship. Don’t wait till you’re humiliated, my therapist always say, packaging is deceptive. Watch out!
If you’re the type that is known for giving, helping people out, one day just decide to seek their help, whether monetarily or otherwise and hear what they have to say. Try this once or twice, if they cannot offer help the first time, try them a second time, something little. If they still can’t help you, that person is only an observer in your life, monitoring spirit, run!!!
If the person offers help but isn’t cheerful about it or finding excuses not to help, gbafuo! That’s Igbo for RUN!
A good friend is someone that aids you, someone that upgrades you from where you used to be mentally, emotionally…you know, someone that sharpens you. In simple words, when you’re weak, they are strong and vice versa.
Be that friend today. Friendship― just like life, is all about give and take. It’s up to you to find the balance.
Till next time, be brazen!
Enjoyed this post?
If you’ve enjoyed this post, you’re already a crucial part of this blog’s journey. If you’d like to take an extra step in supporting this blog, please consider making a donation. Your contribution helps me continue creating insightful and engaging content week after week. Thank you for your support!
Donate here!
Brazen with Vanessa 