On this table, there are some men that have decided to keep messing with our feelings and not commit to us. They hide under the umbrella of “The Talking Stage”. Yes, you read that! It’s dating but due to the pandemic, you can’t go out or travel as you used to; so, many hearts are stuck “talking” to their romantic interests online. The catch is, you don’t know if he really wants to see you but can’t because of the pandemic or if he’s really just fooling you and using the pandemic as an excuse.
I told my girls that the talking stage was invented by men who are emotionally unavailable, who want to go and come as they please, never really committing but keeping you interested just enough by dangling the promise of a relationship.
That’s evil if you ask me. What happened to being straightforward and letting us know if you’re feeling us or not? What happened to stating your intentions in the first instant? Here’s an example:
“Girl, I like you and I would like to get to know you better, can we go out on a date?” or “Hi, I know it’s awkward sliding into your dm, but I hope you won’t mind. My name is Sososo and this is what I’m about…it’ll mean a lot if I get a reply back.”
That sounds like someone that knows what he wants and if she’s interested, she’ll text back or agree to out with you. If she’s not, she’ll either not reply or tell you she’s not interested in you in that manner. If you decide to be friends…goodluck!
Basically, what I’m saying is, communicate your intentions boys and girls.
Many ladies out there are stuck in this “talking” stage that never seems to end. I get that you want to know each other well but how about we go out for a drink while being safe (mask up and don’t forget your hand sanitizer); to the movie theatre, to the park, anywhere chill enough for us to hang out so I know if your personality works for me or not.
How do you treat people around you, how do you treat ME, how do you carry yourself? These are questions I will never know the answers to if we don’t go out. So you see, we can’t always be chatting, calling, FaceTiming, we need to interact with one another publicly so I can decide if I’m wasting my time or not.
In case you are not aware, a guy can text, call and share things online with you, it doesn’t mean he wants a relationship with you. He might just be bored, I know because I do that all the time…to my friends! I don’t want an intimate relationship with them but we call each other, we gist for hours, share personal thoughts, worries and advice. It’s the same thing going on with these men only that they make you feel like you’re special and like you’re the only one on their minds. Wrong!
If a guy wants you, he will communicate those wants to you and act on it. He’ll make time out to see you, even if it’s a long distance relationship. And if money becomes an issue, I assure you, I’ve seen people make it work (visit their romantic interest) even without having excess money. And if they want to use the pandemic as an excuse? As long as they are not in another country where they’re banned from travelling―don’t forget, be safe: mask up, use your hand sanitizer, maintain 2m apart if you’re not sure of their covid status. There’s just no excuse!
Relationships are not always easy, sometimes you struggle to understand one another, other times you compromise on things that are important to you. It’s a lot of work and still we want it.
But we need an intervention so girls, let’s talk. Why do you carry on with these men that just want to waste your time? Why do you want to be in the “talking” stage for months!? How does that even work? You’re talking for months and you still haven’t found out if you want to be in a relationship with him or not? Make me understand; because I know my girls, we don’t spend all that time “talking” with a guy if we’re not interested in them. So why haven’t you asked to see him if he hasn’t mentioned it yet?
Don’t wait for him, pop the question and if he makes excuses, then cut your loss and move on. Dude was just catching fun, it wasn’t serious for him.
The one that annoys me is when you ask, “What are we doing?” And he proceeds to say, “We’re just talking…” Or the most painful, “We’re friends…aren’t we?” The shock! The trauma; like dude just get off my phone.
Don’t let any guy keep you in the talking stage if you don’t want to stay there. I know of ladies that multi-date, (I’m an advocate for that) and they just want to know all their options before making a choice. Some of them don’t even want anything serious, they just want to be flirty and play friends, so they enjoy the talking stage even if the guys don’t talk about taking things further.
The benefit is, when they’re ready to commit, they know who they want and they know that the person is ready to commit to them.
Same as guys, many of them have different women on speed dial, especially in this pandemic that we’re in. They don’t want anything serious, they’re just bored. If there’s going to be a delay in the development of your relationship, let it be you that decides that, but also communicate your reasons to him and let him decide for himself if he wants to hang with you or not.
That’s called respect and that’s the respect these men deny you of, when they refuse to state their intentions clearly and act on it.
If you like them and they’re not feeling you, you let it go and be happy that you didn’t waste a month “talking” to them. And if you both choose to remain friends? Cut back on the 24/7 attention, your dignity will thank you for that.
At the end of the day, feelings are messy and you like who you like and they may like you back or not, but please, don’t get caught in that talking stage for more than a week, you deserve someone who won’t waste your time and drag you along, you deserve someone who makes concrete plans to see you and actually keep to it. You deserve someone who values their words and don’t make excuses not to keep it.
The pandemic really caused a lot of things; we all learnt to improvise one way or the other. The second major setback was our social life; ladies and gents, I know what I said in the beginning about emotionally unavailable men inventing the “talking” stage, but the medium through which it came was the pandemic. Before the pandemic, many people didn’t have reasonable excuses not to see their (supposed) romantic interests, and if they didn’t show up or kept making excuses, women knew where they stood with them. But with the pandemic and maintaining safety, people can’t go out as they formerly did, hence an influx of people online, meeting new people, forming relationships, some fake, some true…
The unserious ones have made the pandemic their friend and relied on it to welsh on their commitments, to string fragile hearts along, hence, the talking stage.
I’d like for you to share your opinions, what do you think about the “talking” stage and are you currently in one?
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Brazen with Vanessa 