Life has a way of shaping things whether for good or for bad, the end tells the tale but what about the middle, the in-between?
You see, we know how things start, we can only guess how it will end. And when it does end, things won’t matter anymore. Whether you struggled mentally or not won’t matter when your journey ends. It will only be said that this person was a good/bad person and died as a good/bad person.
It will not matter that there was a mental struggle, a financial struggle, things happening within you; the real truth about you, and when you don’t beat that thing, it becomes the end of you. Whatever it led you to do becomes what you’re tagged after, good or bad.
Now this journey, it’s personal to everyone, there are things that have happened to us that ended up taking up space within us; Bad things. How we get out of it becomes an issue. For the past decade I’ve dealt with my mental health, I know everything on conquering negativity but I just can’t seem to get myself out of it.
If you’ve ever dealt with doubt, not believing in yourself or whatever insecurity you may have, it started from somewhere, then you became this person you barely recognized (though some start from an early childhood and it was all they knew), the moment you realise you’re not living up to your full potential, you begin to aspire for change, for growth. And that’s where the real pain starts.
When you feel like you can’t overcome the dark cloud that has become a part of you, when you feel like no matter how you try to be better, you still fall back and it makes you feel so powerless.
That’s the part of the journey that’s gruesome, that’s where I currently am. I have cried, I have prayed, some days are better than others, but I don’t want to stay this way. I want growth, I want to overcome my fears and be my biggest cheerleader.
I don’t want to die knowing that I let my fears and struggles control me.
For now, I’m holding onto this scripture: God has not given us the spirit of fear, but of love and of power and of a sound mind!
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Brazen with Vanessa 